Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung describes our “shadow self” as the part of our subconscious mind where we hide taboo or unwanted thoughts, memories, feelings and desires.
Jung tells us that the subconscious part of our mind makes up 90 percent of our mental capacity. It’s important to note that our “shadow” self isn’t “bad.” It simply stands for the part of ourselves we don’t see, though it dominates our lives in so many ways.
In this dark, interior space, we stuff all the fears, pain and wounds from our past — unresolved and broken relationships, judgments, self-hatred, disappointments, injuries, abuse and addictions.
Add to those the messages from our childhood of who we “should” be, what we “should” feel, whom we “should” love or hate, and what family secrets we “must” keep. All of it gets boxed up and stashed in our shadow self.
It’s worth noting that the wall of ignorance and denial between light and shadow can help us survive and thrive — at least for a time.
Some childhood wounds, for example, may have been so debilitating that our fragile selves needed protection. So the shadow, in effect, stepped in to help. Events were minimized, memories “forgotten” to the point that we judge they never happened or “weren’t that bad after all.”
Yet this file-it-and-forget-about-it solution comes with an expiration date. It may have happened in the past, but we carry it with us every day, unseen but powerful. And one day, what we have forgotten will start to work against us, spilling out into our daily lives.
Just to clarify, we commonly use dark or darkness to describe other experiences that shouldn’t be confused with the shadow. We might talk about depression, grief or a time of despair as being dark seasons, but those are different experiences.
One way out of this darkness is what I call “shadow work” in my book, All In. It’s the practice of proactively bringing our hidden parts into the light of consciousness in order to find healing. I encourage you to check it out to learn more.