Let’s talk about survival.
It’s just a fact that a leader’s chances of avoiding a mid-career crash increase dramatically if he commits himself to authentic, truthful, vulnerable relationships with other men.
But for most men I know, words such as vulnerable and even relationships do not roll easily off the tongue.
If you react with caution to the whole “men’s group” idea as a solution to anything, I get it. My guess is you’ve suffered from being part of a men’s group that failed you. You might have found yourself in a professional group that devolved into boasting about exploits in sports, business, etc. That can be fun if you want to score points among your peers, but you leave thinking, “Yeah, that’s not what I need.”
Or you have found yourself in an accountability group gone wrong. You came with a sincere need only to leave with an even heavier burden of judgment and shame. Whatever your experience, I promise that walking away from your band of brothers is no solution either.
Psychologists, coaches, sports trainers and pastors agree: A man who’s committed to reaching peak performance is most likely to achieve it in the company of others striving for the same goal.
Harville Hendrix summarizes the matrix of hurt and healing when he says, “We are born in relationship, we are wounded in relationship and we are healed in relationship.”
King Solomon said, “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. … Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”
I love that visual of the braided cord and the better outcome it suggests. It tells me that when I commit to telling the truth in a safe, caring, bonded community, I put catastrophe on hold and find the power I seek.
In my experience, the braided bond is the only thing that silences the lonely whine of the top dog.