One of my teachers loved to tell the story about a grain of sand.
In our eye, it can cause a painful irritation, he explained. If it’s not removed, it will cause inflammation and a bad infection and will eventually cause blindness.
That same grain of sand in an oyster will cause the same painful irritation. But the oyster secretes a smooth coating to soothe the irritation, eventually producing a pearl of great beauty and value.
We all encounter some pain, loss and trauma in our lives. When I experienced an engine failure in a rental airplane (see Chapter 5 of my book, All In), leaving me temporarily paralyzed and permanently injured, I concluded that the rental company had missed an important maintenance step that caused the failure and the ensuing crash.
I faced some choices. I could blame and seek revenge. I could legitimately fight for justice and compensation. I could remain a victim. Or I could direct my energies to healing, learning to walk again and learning what God might want to teach me through the experience.
When my first wife and my trusted marriage counselor betrayed and deceived me (also shared in my book), I faced the same challenge, only this time, it was even more wrenching. Should I hold onto the rage, as I had every right to and suffer the effects of my own poison, or let go and choose life.
Both times, I faltered. I tried to let go, only to grab on to my grievances again. I tried again and again to forgive and move forward, only to double back into resentment, anger, blame and victimhood.
Eventually, with the help of God and loyal, safe friends, I was able to choose the better path. And what a difference that has made in my life!
These days, the “X” on my life’s treasure map triggers much less pain and a lot more gratitude. If it had not been for my plane crash injury when I was a young man, I would have missed learning a great deal: Empathy for others’ suffering, humility to accept physical limitations, perspective on what matters most.
Likewise, the relationship breakdown that resulted in my divorce led to more empathy and understanding in other relationships and the opportunity years later to meet and marry my precious partner, best friend and beautiful wife, June.
Like the grain of sand in the oyster, you and I can channel our energies toward transforming the losses and pain in our past into life experiences of great worth and beauty today.
Pause to Reflect
- Which negative emotion are you most likely to avoid dealing with?
- What simple steps can you take to move you toward humility and courage?
- Are their wounds in your heart that are waiting for the gift of gratitude to turn them into strengths?