I remember a man I’ll call Greg, who, at one of our retreats, said he had never been able to be honest with anyone about his secret life — even with himself.
And he happened to lead a large ministry that had served and helped thousands. That made his struggle all the lonelier and more excruciating.
In a letter to me after the event, he described his condition on arrival:
“On a scale of one to 10, with one being suicidal and 10 being euphoric, I was a two and had been that way for several weeks. But God used that group of men and our facilitator to give me a breakthrough in my depression and my sexual addictions.”
He sees now that breakthrough could never have happened without a group of men committed to honesty and absolute confidentiality there and later.
“I am grateful from the bottom of my heart,” he said.
I love stories like Greg’s. You can feel the relief radiating from every word. You can sense new hope springing up.
Social scientist and author Brené Brown captures the miracle of small group when she says, “I believe that vulnerability — the willingness to show up and be seen with no guarantee of outcome — is the only path to more love, belonging and joy. Even in the midst of struggle, I would say that doing this work is not only worth it; it is the work of living a wholehearted life.”
That hits home for me.
I can truly say that these men in my forums are my closest and dearest friends in the world. They know the good and bad about me and all my idiosyncrasies. They help me to see my blind spots — my shadow. They can tell me when they see I am full of crap or simply wrong, then offer forgiveness, reconciliation and a hug.
That’s Samwise and Frodo in The Lord of the Rings, but for real. That’s a fellowship of imperfect, superior men.
Pause to Reflect
- Think of a type of group that would enable you to thrive.
- Why do you think people struggle so much to be forthcoming about their secret struggles?
- What risks are you willing to take in a group setting to break through in the areas that matter most to you?