My understanding of the potential for honest sharing in small groups such as forums has been informed by my “60 meetings in 60 days” experience in AA and Al-Anon.
I was aghast when my coach first gave me this assignment. Although I wasn’t an alcoholic, there was something very important he wanted me to experience. It was life-changing for me.
I saw what happens when people gather with only one item on the agenda: to stay clean and sober today.
These fearless men and women taught me that it is the people in the room who bring the healing. To sit in a circle bound by caring people who give you uninterrupted listening and nonjudgment, to hear others say their honest truth out loud — and to hear yourself saying the same back — that is powerful.
Have you ever experienced it?
Jim, an entrepreneur and professional who has held a prominent elected office, describes the impact of shared stories on him.
“I discovered that to be invited into other men’s stories — the real one, not the image presented to the world at large — is a privilege. Every time. But it also changes me. Each time I have witnessed another man be fiercely authentic and vulnerable, I’m reminded that ‘one man’s work is every man’s work.’”
My thinking on the incredible power of experiential men’s groups has also been influenced by Shirzad Chamine, CEO emeritus of the Coaches Training Institute and longtime Stanford faculty member.
Men do not need another program or event, Chamine notes. What they need is an experience — one that occurs “deep in the heart, rather than through cool and safe level-headed discussions.”
Genuinely transformative groups, he says, change:
- The old concepts of what it is to trust another human being
- The central role of feelings and emotions
- The true priorities of life
- The gift of vulnerability
- The obsession to be in control
- The fear of failure or death
- The role of money or power
- The beauty of conflict
- The self-sabotaging obstacles to intimacy
- The search for meaning
- The purpose of one’s life
- What really constitutes success
It’s fair to say that every big idea on Chamine’s inspiring agenda comes up in forums and retreats. They are reflected in our ALL IN value propositions. More on that next time.