When we’ve been carrying a lifetime of unresolved pain, fear, guilt or resentment, that burden can explode out of the dark — like a beach ball out of the water, after being held down for a time.
Earlier in our lives, we were able to keep it suppressed, but around midlife, what’s hiding in our shadow spills out, shocking and often devastating those around.
We have all seen this self-blindness play out. High-profile leaders in entertainment, business, politics and pulpits have been humiliated when their double lives were exposed.
If we’re honest, we’ve all struggled in our private lives at times. Still, when the reputation and life’s work of a high-profile friend of mine went down in flames, I felt gutted… and it left me grasping for answers.
It seems to me that leaders feel an unusual resistance to seeing or dealing with shadows in this area. Because we live in the spotlight, we go to extremes to protect our public image. Which isn’t us, of course, it’s just our public persona or social face we present to the world.
Father Richard Rohr connects living in public while hiding from ourselves to shadow work. He writes, “The more we have cultivated and protected a chosen persona, the more shadow work we will need to do. Therefore, we need to be especially careful of clinging to any idealized role or self-image, like that of a minister, doctor, nice person, professor, moral believer or president of this or that.
“These are huge personas to live up to and they trap many people in lifelong delusion that the role is who they are or who they are only allowed to be.”
Pause and Reflect
- As you were reading this, what emotion or worry were you feeling most strongly? Can you describe the feeling and its source?
- What action is your feeling or worry prompting you to take?
I share much more about my leader friend’s demise and the quest it led me on in Chapter 7 of my book, ALL IN. I hope my journey helps you discover a deeper insight into your true self, so that you can lead with the integrity needed for ultimate success in life.