I used to have a close relationship with Wyatt, a brilliant, talented CEO.
Unfortunately, he couldn’t seem to make his insides match his outsides.
At work, I noticed he took pride in berating under-performing employees. He used to complain to me about team members he didn’t think were smart enough. And he was far from warm and fuzzy.
He never could say what he seemed so angry about.
I lost touch with Wyatt for several years, then heard the tragic news: He had committed suicide. I was shocked and saddened, but not entirely surprised. I believe it’s likely that the pain he suppressed inside became too much to bear.
Have you ever struggled like this? I have.
After my marriage blew up, I was furious and wanted revenge. I felt betrayed. Did I have a right to feel angry? Hell yes! But I ultimately realized I had to face some tough questions:
- Do I want to live as a vengeful and hateful victim?
- How long will I sacrifice my peace and well-being to my rage and resentment?
- What could I learn about myself in all this?
In both Jewish and Christian scriptures, we’re told to put down the ledger of our grievances, and that God will repay the wrongdoers. Increasingly, I see releasing to God my steaming pile of grievances as a powerful principle for making peace and finding healing.
If we hold on to our anger, blame and unforgiveness, we take unnecessary suffering on ourselves. We are choosing to be a victim of that wrong all over again.
Instead of choosing to be bitter, we can choose to let it make us … better.